Neighborhood Watch Reports Suspicious Green Glow Emanating From Garage, Alchemist Insists It's 'Just Vibes'

Residents of the Whispering Pines subdivision have filed seventeen formal complaints with their homeowner's association regarding a persistent green glow emanating from the garage of 847 Elm Circle, which its occupant, practicing alchemist Theodore Calcination, attributes to 'ambiance.' 'It's a Hue light,' Calcination told the HOA board at an emergency meeting Wednesday, despite the glow being visible from three blocks away and having caused a neighbor's garden gnomes to cast shadows at midnight. 'Smart home stuff. Very normal.' The complaints, which began in October, also reference a 'sulfurous odor reminiscent of deviled eggs left in a hot car,' unexplained metallic clanking at irregular hours, and what one neighbor described as 'Latin chanting that my Ring doorbell keeps picking up.' Calcination's wife, Margaret, offered a somewhat different account. 'He told me it was a home brewing setup,' she said. 'But last week a crow delivered a scroll to our mailbox addressed to Magister Theodore, Herald of the Viridescent Flame, so I have questions.' The HOA has given Calcination thirty days to either explain or eliminate the glow, noting that 'unapproved exterior lighting modifications' violate section 4.7.2 of the community guidelines. Calcination has responded by filing a counter-complaint alleging religious discrimination against 'practitioners of the ancient and noble art.' The green glow has, if anything, intensified since the hearing.