Philosopher's Stone Found in Estate Sale, Listed on eBay for $35

A Topeka estate sale yielded what experts are tentatively calling the actual philosopher's stone on Saturday, after buyer Linda Cheswick purchased a cardboard box labeled 'misc. rocks — $5' and noticed one of the stones was 'warm and sort of humming.' Cheswick, 58, a retired dental hygienist and avid vintage kitchenware collector, told reporters she initially mistook the stone for 'one of those heated massage things from Brookstone.' After the stone reportedly turned her stainless steel salad tongs into solid gold, Cheswick listed it on eBay with the description: 'Magic rock??? Turned my tongs gold. No returns.' The listing, priced at $35 plus shipping, attracted immediate attention from the alchemical community. 'We've been searching for this for literally millennia,' said Dr. Thaddeus Vitriol of the Hermetic Studies Institute, his voice cracking. 'And she listed it between a Beanie Baby and a broken Keurig.' As of press time, the listing had received 2,847 bids, three cease-and-desist letters from the Vatican, and one message from a buyer asking if it came with the original box. Cheswick has since raised the price to $45, noting that 'gold tongs alone are worth at least that.'