Beekeeper Names All 60,000 Bees In Colony, Cannot Remember Neighbor's Name

A retired accountant in Vermont has reportedly memorized individual names for all 60,000 bees in his primary colony while remaining unable to recall the first name of the neighbor he has lived beside for nine years. Gerald Propolis, 64, maintains a leather-bound registry of bee names organized by hive frame and approximate wing pattern. His system, which he describes as "intuitive once you stop trying to have other hobbies," assigns names based on a proprietary algorithm involving flight path, thorax markings, and what Gerald calls "personality indicators." "That one's Beatrix," he explained during a demonstration, pointing at a bee indistinguishable from the 40,000 surrounding it. "She always exits the hive third from the left. Very consistent. Reminds me of my mother." When asked about his neighbor, whose lawn Gerald can see from his apiary, he paused for a full twelve seconds before offering, "Steve? Dave? He has a dog. Or a large cat. Look, Millicent is doing her orientation flight, I need to log this." Gerald's wife, Patricia, confirmed that the naming project has consumed approximately 2,300 hours over three years and has resulted in the displacement of all other forms of social engagement. "He missed our grandson's birthday because Drone #4,847 — 'Montgomery' — was having what Gerald described as 'an existential afternoon,'" Patricia reported. Gerald has applied for a grant to expand his naming system to a second hive, estimating the project will require an additional four years of dedicated observation and the sacrifice of any remaining friendships.