Beekeeper's Elevator Pitch About Colony Collapse Disorder Clears Entire Party

A cocktail party in downtown Denver was reportedly evacuated within four minutes after a beekeeper launched into an unprompted presentation on Colony Collapse Disorder that attendees described as "informative, important, and utterly unbearable in a social setting."

The incident began when software developer turned beekeeper Marcus Propolis was asked the standard party question, "So, what do you do?" His response, which witnesses timed at three minutes and forty-seven seconds before the first departure, covered neonicotinoid pesticides, monoculture agriculture, varroa mite vectors, and the phrase "cascading ecological collapse."

"I saw people's eyes glaze over around the thirty-second mark," reported fellow guest Diana Chen. "By ninety seconds, three people had excused themselves to check on a parking meter that definitely didn't exist. By the two-minute mark, the host was pretending to receive a phone call."

Propolis, who was unaware of the room's gradual depopulation, continued through his talking points with the thoroughness of a man who has rehearsed this speech in front of his bathroom mirror every morning for two years.

"I was just getting to the part about native pollinator habitat corridors," Propolis said afterward, standing alone near the appetizer table. "That's where it gets really interesting."

He was eventually interrupted by the host, who informed him that the party was "winding down" despite having started forty minutes earlier.

Propolis has since created business cards that read "Ask me about bees (seriously, please ask)" and reports that zero people have taken him up on the offer.