Swarm Capture Ruins Man's Only Day Off For Third Consecutive Year

For the third consecutive spring, a swarm of honey bees has chosen to depart its hive on the single Saturday that local beekeeper Thomas Apiston had blocked off for personal recreation. Apiston, who works as a logistics coordinator five days a week and tends his seven hives on Sundays, had designated this particular Saturday for what he described to his wife as "literally anything that doesn't involve bees." At 11:47 a.m., approximately 20,000 bees disagreed. "I was putting on my shoes to go to a movie," Apiston recounted. "My wife pointed out the window and said, 'Is that supposed to be happening?' It was not supposed to be happening." The swarm had settled on a low branch of a neighbor's magnolia tree, a location Apiston describes as "accessible but socially awkward," as the neighbor has repeatedly expressed discomfort with the apiary's proximity. "I had to knock on his door and say, 'Hello, Dave — I still don't remember if that's his name — I need to stand in your yard with a box and shake twenty thousand insects out of your ornamental tree,'" Apiston said. The capture was successful after approximately ninety minutes, during which Apiston was stung four times, missed the movie, and received a passive-aggressive text from his wife featuring only a period. Apiston has since installed swarm traps around his property and begun scheduling his days off in two-hour increments to minimize losses. He has not attempted to plan a full Saturday since the incident.