Vartan Haddad
At twenty-two, Vartan Haddad correctly called a rare tern from one clean wingbeat before the crowd finished arguing about its shape. He still resents the late-arriving chaser who called the bird obvious, a grudge that began during his former work checking elevator overspeed governors, where every delayed arrival still claimed the landing.
Articles by Vartan Haddad
Local Magpie Identified as Source of Missing Objects in Five-Street Radius
A search of the bird's nest revealed 14 earrings, a set of car keys, three golf tees, a USB drive containing someone's novel, and a small trophy.
Birdsong Identification App Achieves Sentience, Immediately Becomes Insufferably Pedantic
The AI-powered app now corrects users unprompted, insisting they 'stop calling everything a sparrow' and lecturing them on the difference between songs and calls.
Seagull Steals Entire Fish and Chips From Tourist, Awarded Honorary Doctorate in Applied Kleptoparasitism
The Larus argentatus executed what marine biologists are calling 'the cleanest extraction we've seen in thirty years of coastal observation.'