Local Bake-Off Judge Admits to 'Emotional Support Sourdough,' Sparks Existential Crisis in Competitive Baking Circle

Pleasantville, IA – The usually placid world of competitive baking has been thrown into utter chaos following a bombshell confession from Mildred McMillan, a notoriously stern judge at the annual Pleasantville Pie & Pastry Palooza. McMillan, known for her withering critiques and uncanny ability to detect a single misplaced crumb, revealed during a particularly heated debate over a rhubarb crumble that she maintains a ‘deeply personal’ relationship with a sourdough starter named Bartholomew. “He… he just *understands* me,” McMillan stammered, clutching a miniature whisk. “The bubbling, the feeding, the constant need for attention… it’s a metaphor, really. For life.” The revelation has sent shockwaves through the baking community. Competitors are questioning the fairness of past judgments, with several alleging Bartholomew may have exerted undue influence. “I spent three days perfecting my macaron recipe!” wailed Agnes Periwinkle, a three-time Palooza runner-up. “And she docked me points because it ‘lacked soul’? Turns out *she’s* the one with a soulmate in a jar!” Local psychologist, Dr. Harold Finch, weighed in, stating, “This is a classic case of projection. McMillan, likely feeling unfulfilled in her personal life, has transferred her emotional needs onto a colony of yeast and bacteria. It’s… surprisingly common, actually. Though usually it’s a ficus.” Bartholomew, when reached for comment (via McMillan), simply bubbled contentedly. The Palooza committee has announced an emergency meeting to discuss the “Bartholomew Protocol” and whether emotional support starters should be disqualified from judging privileges. One thing is certain: Pleasantville’s baking scene will never be the same. And frankly, neither will our faith in humanity.