Cafe Regular's 'Usual' Has Changed Fourteen Times This Year

A self-described "regular" at a neighborhood coffee shop has changed his standing order fourteen times in the current calendar year while continuing to walk in each morning and say "I'll have my usual." The customer, identified only as "Tim" by staff who have never learned his surname despite three years of daily visits, has cycled through espresso-based drinks, filter coffees, and tea with a frequency that has required the creation of a shared document among staff. The spreadsheet, maintained in a Google Sheet titled "Tim's Usual (Current Version)," tracks each iteration with start date, end date, and any modifications. Notable entries include: - January 3-17: Cortado. No modifications. - January 18-February 2: Flat white. Extra hot. - February 3-9: "Whatever you recommend." (Staff notes: NOT a usual.) - February 10-March 1: Chai latte. (Staff notes: This is not coffee.) - March 2-present: Oat milk cappuccino. Wet. "The challenge is that he genuinely believes each new order is 'his usual,'" explained shift manager Ruby Espresso. "He has no memory of the previous usuals. When I made him a cortado last week out of habit, he looked at me like I'd personally betrayed him." Tim, when approached for comment, confirmed that he is a creature of habit who always orders the same thing. "I'm very consistent," he said, sipping an oat milk cappuccino that he will reportedly abandon for an Americano by next Thursday. Staff have considered simply asking Tim what he wants each morning but have concluded that this would "shatter the illusion" and potentially destabilize a customer relationship they describe as "exhausting but beloved."