Barista Develops Sixth Sense For Customers About To Ask For Frappuccino

A veteran specialty coffee barista has developed what she describes as a "precognitive cringe" — an ability to identify customers who are about to order a blended frozen drink before they open their mouths.

Amara Bloom, who has worked at single-origin-focused cafes for eight years, claims the ability manifests as a slight tightening in her jaw approximately three seconds before the customer speaks.

"I can tell by the way they scan the menu," Bloom explained. "Their eyes skip past the pour-over section entirely. They linger on nothing. Then they look at me with an expression that says, 'I know you don't have what I want, but I'm going to ask anyway.'"

Bloom's shop does not serve blended frozen beverages, a fact communicated by the menu, the signage, and the complete absence of a blender anywhere on the premises.

"They always phrase it the same way," Bloom continued. "'Do you guys have, like...' and then there's a pause where they're searching for a word that isn't 'Frappuccino' because they can sense this isn't a Frappuccino establishment."

Common substitute phrases include "a frozen coffee thing," "a blended situation," and the memorably vague "like a cold... smoothie... coffee?"

Bloom responds to each inquiry with what she has practiced as a "judgment-free redirect" toward iced lattes or cold brew. She reports a 30% conversion rate to alternative cold beverages and a 70% rate of customers departing with the phrase "I'll just go to Starbucks," delivered with a tone she describes as "apologetic but firm."

"I respect their honesty," Bloom said. "Sometimes you just want a blended thing. I don't serve it, but I respect it."