Expedition to Find New Cryptid Species Discovers Zero Cryptids but Three New Species of Beetle

A three-week expedition into the cloud forests of Ecuador, funded by the Global Cryptid Research Foundation to search for evidence of an undocumented bipedal primate, returned this month with no cryptid evidence but the inadvertent discovery of three previously unknown species of beetle. Expedition leader Dr. Magnus Canopy described the findings as 'a frustrating distraction from the real work.' 'We were there to find the Ecuadorian Forest Giant,' Dr. Canopy said, referring to a creature described in local folklore as a seven-foot ape-like being that moves through the canopy at night. 'Instead we found beetles. Three new beetles. The entomologists on the team are thrilled. I am not.' The beetles, collected incidentally during the placement of canopy traps intended for primate hair, have been described by entomologist Dr. Rita Chitin as 'a genuinely exciting contribution to tropical coleoptera taxonomy.' The three species are awaiting formal classification. 'This is exactly how science is supposed to work,' Dr. Chitin said. 'You go looking for one thing and you find another. That's discovery.' 'That's not discovery,' Dr. Canopy countered. 'That's failure. I spent $180,000 of foundation money to find a seven-foot forest ape and I came back with bugs. The beetles do not pay for the next expedition.' The Global Cryptid Research Foundation has agreed to fund a follow-up expedition, though its press release focused heavily on the beetle discovery, which Dr. Canopy interpreted as 'a diplomatic way of saying they're managing expectations.' Dr. Canopy has proposed naming one of the new beetle species after the Forest Giant, 'so at least something from this trip acknowledges why we were there.' The entomology journal has declined this request. The beetles, for their part, appear to be thriving.