Lake Monster Sighting Reported by Man Who Left His Glasses in the Car

A new Lake Champlain monster sighting was reported Sunday by retired postal worker Harold Squint, who provided a remarkably detailed description of a creature he observed from 300 yards away despite having left his prescription glasses in his car, parked half a mile from the shore. 'It was serpentine, about thirty feet long, with a long neck and what I'd describe as a horse-like head,' Squint told investigators. 'Dark greenish-brown, with humps. Three humps. Possibly four.' Squint's optometrist, Dr. Lisa Lens, reviewed his prescription and noted that without correction, Squint's visual acuity is approximately 20/400, meaning that at 300 yards, 'he would have difficulty distinguishing a school bus from a large log.' 'I know what I saw,' Squint insisted. 'My eyes may not be perfect, but my instincts are 20/20. The shape, the movement, the way it surfaced and dove -- that wasn't a log. Logs don't dive.' Cryptozoological investigators noted that Squint's description is consistent with 82 percent of all Champ sightings on record, which they consider significant. Skeptics noted that 82 percent of all Champ sightings on record were also made by witnesses with compromised visibility conditions, including fog, rain, twilight, and in seven cases, individuals who had recently been to a winery. 'Eyewitness testimony is the backbone of field cryptozoology,' said lead investigator Walter Deep. 'We don't disqualify witnesses because they can't read an eye chart. Some of the best sightings in history were made by people who couldn't see clearly. That's not a weakness. It's a pattern.' Squint has returned to the lake with his glasses and reports no subsequent sighting, which he attributes to 'the creature knowing I can see it now.'