Loch Ness Sonar Contact Turns Out to Be Research Team's Own Equipment Sinking to Bottom

A research team conducting a sonar survey of Loch Ness reported 'a large, animate submerged contact' at a depth of 120 meters on Tuesday, prompting international media attention and a scramble to deploy additional monitoring equipment. The contact was later identified as the team's own side-scan sonar array, which had detached from their vessel and was sinking to the bottom of the loch. 'In our defense, the readings were extraordinary,' said expedition leader Dr. Kenneth Submersion. 'We detected a large, dense object descending through the water column at a rate consistent with a diving plesiosaur. The fact that it was descending at a rate also consistent with a forty-thousand-dollar piece of equipment falling off a boat is, I concede, unfortunate.' The array, manufactured by OceanTech Ltd. and mounted to the hull of the research vessel Nessie's Hope, apparently came loose from its bracket during a survey pass at approximately 2:15 PM. The detachment was not noticed until a crew member went below to check a cable connection and found the cable 'leading directly into the water and not connected to anything.' 'The sonar was reading its own descent,' said marine engineer Alastair Bracket. 'It was basically tracking itself falling. It's like a dog chasing its own tail, except the tail costs forty grand.' Dr. Submersion noted that prior to the equipment failure, the survey had detected several 'genuinely anomalous returns' at depth, including what he described as 'a large, elongated contact that moved laterally and then disappeared.' Bracket reviewed the data and identified the contact as 'a thermocline -- basically, a layer of cold water. It doesn't move. It doesn't have a neck. It's water.' The expedition has applied for insurance reimbursement for the lost sonar array. The insurance form asks for 'cause of loss,' which Dr. Submersion has listed as 'act of loch.'