Sasquatch Spotted at Costco, Purchases Bulk Toilet Paper and 48-Count Granola Bars

Security cameras at the Costco Wholesale warehouse in Olympia, Washington, captured footage on Saturday of what employees and customers describe as a figure approximately eight feet tall, covered in reddish-brown hair, moving through the store with a flatbed cart and systematically loading it with bulk household goods. The figure, which entered the store at 9:14 AM through the main entrance and presented a valid Costco membership card at the door, spent approximately 45 minutes in the warehouse before checking out at register 7 with the following items: four 30-packs of Kirkland toilet paper, three cases of 48-count granola bars, a 50-pound bag of trail mix, two cases of bottled water, and a patio umbrella. The membership card, scanned by door greeter Melissa Barcode, was registered to 'S. Quatch' at a rural address in Thurston County that corresponds to an undeveloped parcel of forest land. 'I looked at the card. I looked at him. I looked at the card again,' Barcode said. 'The photo matched. I don't know what else I'm supposed to do. Company policy is check the card, check the face, let them in. I checked. I let.' The creature's behavior throughout the visit was described by witnesses as 'polite and purposeful.' It sampled the free teriyaki chicken near the deli counter, waited patiently in the checkout line, and declined the cashier's offer of a receipt. 'He knew exactly what he was here for,' said cashier Darren Scanner. 'No browsing, no impulse buys. Just toilet paper, granola bars, trail mix, water, and a patio umbrella. That's the most disciplined Costco trip I've ever witnessed, and I've worked here for six years.' The patio umbrella has puzzled cryptozoologists. 'Bigfoot is generally understood to be an outdoor creature with no need for shade infrastructure,' said Dr. Rachel Trackway of the Pacific Northwest Cryptid Research Institute. 'The umbrella suggests either a level of domestic sophistication we haven't previously considered, or a sunburn. Both possibilities are equally fascinating.' The creature loaded its purchases into the bed of a pickup truck in the parking lot and departed. The truck's license plate was obscured by mud. Costco has declined to comment on the membership, citing customer privacy policies.