Gelatinous Cube Promoted to Middle Management, Absorbs Three Direct Reports

A gelatinous cube employed on the third sublevel of the Dungeon of Margrave Hollow has been promoted to the position of Middle Floor Manager, making it the first ooze-type creature to hold a supervisory role in the dungeon's 200-year operating history. The promotion has been marred by the fact that the cube absorbed three of its direct reports within the first week. 'The absorptions were unintentional,' said dungeon HR representative Brix Toadstone, a kobold who oversees staffing for sublevels two through five. 'The cube was conducting one-on-one meetings. One-on-ones are standard management practice. The meetings went well from the cube's perspective. From the employees' perspective, they went less well, because they were dissolved.' The absorbed employees -- two goblin sentries and a skeleton archer -- were engulfed during what dungeon records describe as 'routine supervisory check-ins.' The cube, which communicates through subtle vibrations interpreted by a designated translator, reportedly expressed surprise at the outcomes. 'It said it was trying to connect with its team,' said translator Murk, a myconid who reads the cube's oscillations. 'In cube culture, enveloping someone is a sign of trust. It didn't realize that in goblin and skeleton culture, it's a sign of being eaten.' The three absorbed employees have been listed as 'on indefinite leave' rather than 'deceased,' as the cube's digestive process takes approximately six weeks, and dungeon policy technically allows for recovery if the cube can be persuaded to expel them. 'We're in negotiations,' said Toadstone. 'The cube has indicated willingness to release the skeleton, as it provides minimal nutritional value. The goblins are a harder conversation.' The remaining staff on sublevel three have requested a transfer. Morale, already low following the institution of mandatory team-building exercises (which, for a gelatinous cube, are indistinguishable from combat), has declined further. 'I've been a goblin sentry for twelve years,' said one employee, speaking from behind a barricade of overturned barrels. 'I've survived adventuring parties, cave-ins, and a workplace fire. I am not going to be absorbed by my manager during a performance review. I have standards.' The cube's quarterly performance review is scheduled for next month. No one has volunteered to conduct it.