Party Wipe Blamed on Bard Who Narrated Every Action

An investigation into the total party kill at the Hollow of Echoing Regret has concluded that the primary cause was the party's bard, Melodius Vanscribe, who insisted on providing dramatic narration for every action taken by every party member. According to the sole survivor's testimony, the party encountered a standard goblin ambush that should have been resolved in two minutes. Instead, Vanscribe spent three combat rounds describing his own sword draw in iambic pentameter. "He kept saying 'Wait, I'm not done with my description yet' while we were actively being stabbed," reported the surviving ranger. "He described the goblin chief's attack as a waltz of rusty iron and malicious intent while it was literally happening to him." Vanscribe, who was resurrected at considerable expense, has not responded to requests for comment, reportedly because he is still working on a prepared statement in heroic couplets.