Rogue's Resume Lists 'Disarmed 200+ Traps' Without Mentioning the 43 That Went Off
A background check by the Adventurers' Guild reveals that the applicant's 82 percent success rate, while technically accurate, resulted in seven party members being poisoned, four being impaled, and one being launched into a ceiling.

The Thornkeep Adventurers' Guild has flagged the application of a rogue named Silken Voss after a background check revealed significant omissions in her resume, which lists '200+ traps successfully disarmed across 34 dungeon campaigns' without mentioning the 43 traps that activated during her attempts to disarm them.
'The math checks out,' said Guild recruitment officer Harland Vetting. 'She encountered approximately 243 traps and disarmed about 200 of them. That's an 82 percent success rate. The issue is that the other 18 percent includes a poisoned dart corridor that hospitalized three fighters, a collapsing ceiling that broke a cleric's collarbone, and a spring-loaded platform that launched the party's halfling into a stalactite.'
Voss, reached at a tavern where she was awaiting the Guild's response, defended her credentials. 'Nobody has a hundred percent rate,' she said, polishing a set of lockpicks. 'Traps are unpredictable. Variables change. Sometimes the mechanism is corroded. Sometimes the light is bad. Sometimes there's a secondary trigger you didn't see because you were disarming the primary trigger. The halfling thing was a fluke.'
The halfling in question, Pip Undertow, provided a written statement to the Guild describing the incident. 'I was standing approximately ten feet behind Silken while she worked on what she described as a simple pressure plate. She said, and I quote, almost got it. Then the floor launched me. I hit the ceiling at what the cleric estimated was thirty miles per hour. I was embedded in the stone for approximately four seconds before gravity remembered I existed.'
Undertow has since retired from adventuring and opened a bakery.
Voss's references, submitted with her application, include three party leaders, two of whom describe her as 'the best rogue I've worked with who hasn't killed anyone yet' and one who wrote simply, 'She's fast, she's skilled, and she's statistically due for a clean streak.'
The Guild has not rejected the application. 'An 82 percent disarm rate is actually above the industry average,' Vetting noted. 'The industry average is 71 percent. We just wish she'd mentioned the 18 percent. Transparency matters. Especially when that 18 percent includes a halfling hitting a ceiling at terminal velocity.'
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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