Skeleton Employee Files Grievance Over Lack of Break Room Chairs With Lumbar Support

A skeleton archer stationed in Corridor B-7 of the Dungeon of Margrave Hollow has filed a formal workplace grievance with the dungeon's human resources department, requesting ergonomic seating in the break room on the grounds that his spine -- which constitutes approximately 40 percent of his total body mass -- requires support that the current break room furniture does not provide. The grievance, submitted on parchment in handwriting described by HR as 'surprisingly legible for someone with no tendons,' reads in part: 'I am a skeleton. I am, by definition, nothing but bones. My spine is not merely important to me. It is me. When I sit in a break room chair designed for creatures with flesh, muscle, and fat to cushion the experience, my vertebrae make direct contact with the seat surface. It is uncomfortable in a way that only someone who is 100 percent skeleton can understand.' The skeleton, who identifies himself as 'Clacksworth' in official documents, has been employed as a corridor ambush archer for four years. His duties consist of standing motionless in a wall alcove until an adventuring party approaches, firing arrows, being destroyed, reassembling, and returning to the alcove. 'I don't mind the job,' Clacksworth said, his jaw articulating with a faint clicking sound. 'The destruction and reassembly is unpleasant, but it's in the contract. What's not in the contract is spending my 15-minute break sitting on a wooden bench that was clearly designed for someone with a posterior. I don't have a posterior. I have a pelvis. There's a difference.' The break room, a converted storage chamber on Sublevel 2, contains two wooden benches, a water barrel (unused by most staff), and a motivational poster reading 'You Don't Have to Be Dead to Work Here, But It Helps!' which Clacksworth has described as 'offensive on multiple levels.' Dungeon HR representative Brix Toadstone has acknowledged the grievance. 'We're looking into ergonomic options for skeletal employees,' Toadstone said. 'The challenge is that standard ergonomic chairs are designed around soft tissue. A skeleton has no soft tissue. We may need to consult a specialist.' Clacksworth has suggested a hammock. 'My bones could hang naturally,' he explained. 'Gravity would do the work. No pressure points. No contact stress. Just a skeleton, suspended, at peace. For fifteen minutes. Before going back to getting destroyed by adventurers. That's all I'm asking.' The grievance is under review. The motivational poster has been removed pending a sensitivity assessment.