Local Beekeeper Announces Bees Have Unionized, Demands Negotiations

Backyard beekeeper and pollinator advocate Dennis Waggle announced Tuesday that his primary hive has organized into what he is calling the United Apian Workers Local 1, presenting him with a list of demands inscribed in propolis on the inner cover. 'I opened the hive for a routine inspection and found the frames rearranged into what I can only describe as a picket formation,' Waggle told reporters. 'The queen was in the center, not laying, just standing there looking at me. The workers had blocked all the entrances. It was a work stoppage.' The demands, which Waggle claims to have translated from 'waggle dance notation,' include a 40 percent reduction in honey harvest, the replacement of sugar syrup with organic wildflower nectar, two additional smoke breaks per inspection, and a clause Waggle interprets as 'stop taking our stuff, we made that.' 'They have a point about the honey,' Waggle conceded. 'They spend all summer making it and I show up with a smoker and a bucket. I'd unionize too.' The National Beekeeping Association has dismissed the claims, noting that bees 'do not have the neurological capacity for collective bargaining, regardless of how unsettling their behavior may appear.' Waggle has nonetheless agreed to reduce his harvest by 25 percent and switch to organic supplements. 'I'm not going to be the beekeeper who gets stung 10,000 times because he refused to negotiate,' he said. The hive has since resumed normal operations. Waggle reports the queen appears 'smugly satisfied.'