Cicada Emergence Described as 'Once in a Lifetime' by Entomologists Who Say That Every 17 Years

Entomologists across the eastern United States have described this year's periodical cicada emergence as 'a once-in-a-lifetime spectacle,' marking at least the fourth time the phrase has been officially deployed for a cicada event since 1970. 'This is something you will never see again,' said Dr. Marcus Instar of the University of Virginia's entomology department, apparently forgetting that he said the identical sentence to a local news crew in 2007. The emergence, featuring Brood XIV of the 17-year periodical cicada Magicicada septendecim, has produced billions of insects across 15 states, filling the air with their characteristic 90-decibel mating chorus, which residents describe as 'somewhere between a broken alarm and a dental drill.' 'You don't understand,' Dr. Instar said when confronted with his previous statements. 'Every emergence is once in a lifetime. Seventeen years is a significant portion of a human lifespan. The emotional resonance is genuine even if the mathematics suggest you could theoretically witness five.' Meanwhile, the public response has followed its own 17-year cycle. Stages include initial curiosity (days one through three), fascination with the volume (days four through six), gradual horror at the volume (days seven through ten), and a final phase entomologists call 'acceptance, punctuated by screaming.' Real estate agents in affected areas have reported a sharp decline in open house attendance, while local restaurants have introduced cicada-based menu items that no one orders but everyone photographs. Dr. Instar has already scheduled a press conference for 2041, where he plans to describe the next emergence as 'something you will genuinely never see again, and this time I mean it.'