Hawk Temperament Chart Goes Viral After Falconers Add 'Holds Grudge for Geological Periods'

A hawk temperament comparison chart created by members of an online falconry forum has gone viral after non-falconers discovered the document and realized, in the words of one Twitter user, 'that birds of prey have the emotional range of a soap opera cast.' The chart, originally created as a humorous reference for apprentice falconers, rates common falconry species across categories including 'Trainability,' 'Food Motivation,' 'Willingness to Return,' and the category that caught the internet's attention: 'Capacity for Grudge.' Red-tailed hawks are rated as 'forgives minor slights within 24 hours; remembers major ones for the season.' Harris's hawks receive 'generally agreeable; holds grudges only when justified, which is more often than you'd think.' Peregrine falcons are listed as 'too fast to hold grudges; has already moved on while you're still apologizing.' Goshawks, however, occupy their own tier. Their grudge rating reads: 'Will remember that you fumbled a food transfer on October 14, 2019. Will remind you of this every time you open the mews door. Forgiveness is not in the species description. Reconciliation is a process measured in geological time.' The chart has been shared over 200,000 times, with particular attention to the goshawk entry, which non-falconers have adopted as a relatable personality description. 'I didn't know birds could hold grudges,' said one commenter. 'Now I understand why falconers look like that.' Falconers have responded to the viral attention with characteristic understatement. 'The chart is funny because it's true,' said master falconer Donna Creance. 'My goshawk footed me in 2021 because I was five minutes late with a feeding. It is now 2026. She still gives me the look when I approach the mews. They do not forget.' The chart's creators have received requests to produce versions for parrots, horses, and cats, all of which they have declined on the grounds that 'we only chart species we personally fear.'