Tournament Angler's Fish Finder So Advanced It Now Displays Fish's Emotional State

Professional bass tournament angler Denise Transducer has upgraded to a sonar fish-finding unit so technologically advanced that she claims it can detect not only the size and depth of fish but also, improbably, their emotional state. The unit, a prototype from a manufacturer Transducer declined to name, uses what the company describes as 'multi-spectrum biological resonance imaging' to generate interpretive readouts alongside the standard sonar display. 'I was scanning a brush pile and the screen showed a cluster of marks at 14 feet,' Transducer said. 'Normal sonar stuff. Then the interpretive overlay said the fish were — and I'm reading directly from the screen — stressed but curious, which suggested feeding interest, moderate commitment.' 'I threw a jig into the brush pile and caught a two-pound crappie on the first drop,' she added. 'So either the machine is psychic or it's the most expensive coincidence I've ever purchased.' The unit's readouts have included assessments such as 'disinterested — holding tight to structure,' 'actively feeding — aggressive posture,' and, for a solitary catfish detected near the dam, 'profoundly unbothered.' Fisheries biologist Dr. Alan Lateral expressed skepticism. 'Sonar measures density differentials in water,' he said. 'It cannot measure the emotional state of a fish. Fish do not have emotional states in the way this device is implying. A crappie cannot be curious. It has a brain the size of a pea.' Transducer is undeterred. 'My catch rate is up 30 percent since I started reading the emotional overlays,' she said. 'Science can explain that or science can't, but either way, I'm buying the fish a subscription.' The unit retails for $4,800. Transducer has described this as 'the cost of empathy.'