Man Who Found 'The Best Foraging Spot Ever' Cannot Enjoy It Due to Crippling Paranoia Someone Followed Him

Local forager Dennis Thallus, 45, discovered what he describes as 'an absolute cathedral of king boletes' in an undisclosed location in the Gifford Pinchot National Forest on Saturday morning but has been unable to harvest a single specimen due to overwhelming anxiety that he was followed. 'There are at least forty pounds of king boletes here,' Thallus whispered into a voice memo at 8:14 a.m. 'Perfect specimens. Not a worm in sight. This is the find of a lifetime and I cannot enjoy it because I am 90 percent sure I saw a Subaru behind me on the logging road.' Thallus reports that he took 'extensive precautions' to avoid being tailed, including driving past the trailhead twice, parking a half mile away, hiking in through an unmarked route, and wearing camouflage that he purchased specifically for foraging. 'I changed direction four times in the forest,' he said. 'I stopped and listened for footsteps. I checked for broken branches. But there's always the possibility that someone is better at this than I am, and that thought is eating me alive.' As of 11 a.m., Thallus had not picked a single mushroom. He has been sitting among the boletes, listening, and occasionally standing up to scan the surrounding forest with a pair of binoculars he admits are 'probably excessive.' 'If I start picking now and someone sees me, this spot is done,' he explained. 'Every forager within fifty miles will be here next weekend. This spot needs to remain a secret, which means I need to be absolutely certain I'm alone, which at this point I will never be.' Thallus's wife reports that he returned home at 4 p.m. with an empty basket and 'the look of a man who has been defeated by his own mind.' He plans to return next Saturday, taking 'a completely different route that I have not yet determined because I suspect my current route may be compromised.'