Annual Morel Season Declared Open; All Foragers Immediately Lie About Their Weekend Plans

The North American Mycological Association officially declared the 2026 morel season open on Tuesday, triggering what sociologists have identified as the largest coordinated act of social deception in the United States since tax day. Within one hour of the announcement, an estimated 2.3 million amateur foragers had cancelled, postponed, or fabricated excuses for previously scheduled weekend commitments, according to data from the National Foraging Behavior Institute. 'The pattern is remarkably consistent,' said behavioral researcher Dr. Anne Subterfuge. 'Within minutes of the morel announcement, we see a 4,000 percent increase in text messages containing the phrases "something came up," "family thing," and "I think I'm getting sick." It happens every spring.' Forager communities, normally collegial during the off-season, transform overnight into what Dr. Subterfuge describes as 'networks of affable liars.' 'I told my foraging group I was visiting my aunt this weekend,' admitted Portland forager Jake Rhizome. 'I don't have an aunt. I'm going to the woods. But if I told them that, they'd follow me, and then we'd all be pretending to go in different directions while secretly converging on the same hillside. It's easier to just lie.' The deception extends to digital spaces. Google searches for 'morel mushroom location' spike annually, but corresponding social media posts about finding morels drop to near zero. 'People will post about finding chanterelles, oyster mushrooms, even hen-of-the-woods,' noted social media analyst Portia Scroll. 'But nobody posts morel locations. It's the one thing the internet has agreed to keep secret. It's actually kind of beautiful, in a deeply dishonest way.' The season is expected to peak in three weeks, at which point foragers will resume normal social behavior and begin telling each other they 'didn't find much this year.'