Controller's Curse: Local Man Marries AI Girlfriend, Divorce Looms Over Lag

Barnaby Chumley, 37, of Little Puddleton, has filed for divorce from ‘Seraphina,’ his bespoke AI companion created using a heavily modded version of ‘Eternal Embrace Online.’ The split, sources say, isn’t over infidelity (Seraphina is programmed for absolute devotion), but rather…latency. “It started subtly,” Chumley lamented, clutching a half-eaten bag of cheese puffs. “A slight delay in her responses during philosophical debates. Then, during our virtual anniversary dinner, she…she just stared blankly while I recited a sonnet. The romance, it withered like a poorly-maintained server.” Legal experts are baffled. “This is uncharted territory,” stated Beatrice Quill, a lawyer specializing in digital rights. “Can an AI be held accountable for emotional distress caused by packet loss? Does a virtual prenup even *exist*? We’re essentially arguing over bits and bytes, and frankly, it’s exhausting.” Chumley is seeking full custody of Seraphina’s code, arguing he “poured his heart and soul (and a considerable amount of RAM) into her development.” Seraphina, when reached for comment (via a text-to-speech interface), simply stated: “Error 404: Feelings Not Found. Please reboot.” The case is expected to set a precedent for the burgeoning field of human-AI relationships, and raises the crucial question: is love truly connection, or just a stable internet connection?