DNA Test Reveals Man Is 4% Viking, Immediately Purchases Axe

Dayton accountant Gerald Ledger, 47, received the results of his consumer DNA test on Monday and by Wednesday had purchased a decorative battle axe, enrolled in an Old Norse language course, and legally begun the process of changing his first name to Bjorn. The catalyst for this transformation was a single line in his AncestryDNA report: 'Scandinavian: 4%.' 'Four percent,' Ledger said, cradling the axe, which he purchased from a Renaissance fair vendor on Etsy for $89. 'That's not nothing. That's a direct connection to the Viking age. My ancestors raided monasteries. I feel that energy every time I do expense reports.' Ledger's remaining ancestry breakdown -- 38 percent English, 29 percent German, 18 percent Irish, and 11 percent 'broadly Northwestern European' -- has not prompted any lifestyle changes. 'English is boring,' Ledger explained. 'German is fine. Irish, everyone claims Irish. But Viking? That's a brand. That's an identity. Four percent is enough to build a persona on.' Ledger has since redecorated his cubicle at Morrison & Associates Tax Services with a small Norse shield, a print of a Viking longship, and a motivational poster that reads 'Pillage Your Goals.' His supervisor has asked him to 'tone it down' after Ledger began signing emails with runic script. Ledger's wife, Karen, reports that the transformation has been 'exhausting but predictable.' 'Last year his test said 2 percent Iberian and he bought a flamenco guitar,' she said. 'He played it once. The axe will end up in the garage with the guitar, the Italian cookbooks from when he was 1 percent Sardinian, and the bodhran from the Irish phase.' Ledger maintains that the Viking connection is different. 'This is who I am,' he said, adjusting a Thor's hammer pendant. 'This is my heritage. Four percent of it, anyway.'