Man Takes Third DNA Test Hoping for Different Results

Kevin Helix, 40, of Topeka, Kansas, has submitted his saliva to a third direct-to-consumer DNA testing company after two previous tests from competing providers returned results he describes as 'aggressively boring.' Both AncestryDNA and 23andMe reported that Helix is approximately 97 percent English, 2 percent Irish, and 1 percent 'broadly Northwestern European.' The results were consistent across both platforms, a fact Helix regards not as scientific confirmation but as 'a conspiracy of mediocrity.' 'Ninety-seven percent English,' Helix repeated, staring at the reports. 'That's not a heritage. That's a weather forecast. Cloudy with a chance of more clouds. I was hoping for at least a sliver of something unexpected. Iberian. Central Asian. Anything.' Helix has now submitted a sample to MyHeritage, a third testing company, which he selected based on online reviews claiming it 'finds ethnicities the other companies miss.' 'A guy on Reddit said MyHeritage told him he was 6 percent Sardinian when the other tests missed it,' Helix said. 'I'm hoping for Sardinian. Or Polynesian. I'd take 1 percent Polynesian. I just want one conversation starter.' Geneticist Dr. Rachel Chromosome notes that different companies use different reference populations and algorithms, which can produce slightly varying results. However, she cautioned that a person who is 97 percent English on two platforms is 'unlikely to discover hidden Polynesian ancestry on a third.' 'Your DNA is your DNA,' Dr. Chromosome said. 'Testing it again doesn't change it. It's not like retaking the SAT.' Helix is undeterred. He has also begun researching a fourth company, based in Iceland, that reportedly traces ancestry back 1,000 years. 'If you go back far enough, everyone is interesting,' he said. 'I just need a company willing to go back far enough.' His wife, who is 14 percent Ashkenazi Jewish, 11 percent Italian, and 8 percent West African, has asked him to stop spending money on DNA tests. 'She has a heritage that sounds like a United Nations meeting,' Helix said. 'I have England. Three times.'