Deerstalker Wearer Tired of Being Asked to Solve Crimes

A retired librarian in Edinburgh has appealed to the public to stop asking him to solve mysteries after twenty-six years of wearing a deerstalker hat for 'purely thermal reasons' that strangers persistently interpret as a Sherlock Holmes cosplay. Malcolm Earflap, 71, began wearing a Harris Tweed deerstalker in 1998 after his doctor recommended a hat with ear coverage for his winter walks. He has since been asked to examine suspicious footprints, identify poisons, deduce the contents of sealed packages, and, on one occasion, locate a missing cat. 'I found the cat,' Earflap admitted. 'But only because it was sitting on my car. That's not deduction. That's eyesight.' The requests have intensified in recent years, which Earflap attributes to streaming services making Sherlock Holmes 'inescapable.' He estimates he is asked 'Elementary, my dear Watson' approximately four times per walk, and has been photographed without consent by tourists at least twice a week. 'I am not a detective,' Earflap said. 'I am a retired librarian with cold ears. The hat has front and rear brims for rain protection and fold-down flaps for wind. It is a practical garment designed for the Scottish Highlands, not a character signifier.' Earflap has considered switching to a less culturally loaded hat but reports that alternatives are inferior. 'I tried a trapper hat. Too warm. A beanie. Insufficient brim coverage. A flat cap. My ears nearly froze off. The deerstalker is, architecturally, the perfect hat. It's not my fault a fictional detective ruined it for everyone.' He has begun carrying a laminated card reading 'I AM NOT A DETECTIVE' to hand to strangers.