Entire Wedding Party Fitted With Matching Fascinators in Act of Millinery Totalitarianism

A Surrey wedding has been described as 'a cautionary tale in coordinated headwear' after the bride required all twelve members of her wedding party to wear identical fascinators, regardless of head size, face shape, hair colour, or willingness. The fascinator, a disc of coral sinamay with a spray of feathers and a single silk rose, was selected by bride Camilla Buckram-Holt from a catalogue without consulting any of the bridesmaids, who ranged in head circumference from 54 to 60 centimetres. 'She said it would look cohesive,' reported maid of honour Fiona Gusset, whose head falls at the larger end of the range. 'What it looked like was twelve women in various states of cranial distress. The fascinator was designed for a 56-centimetre head. If you were smaller, it sat like a satellite dish. If you were larger, it perched on top like a decorative afterthought.' The attachments, which consisted of a single comb and a short elastic loop, proved inadequate for outdoor photography in what turned out to be a moderately windy afternoon. Three fascinators were lost to gusts during the ceremony, one was stepped on during the first dance, and another was reportedly 'eaten in stages by a Labrador.' 'Matching fascinators only work if everyone has the same head,' said milliner Audrey Cockade, consulted as an expert. 'Heads are not standard-issue. This is why bespoke millinery exists.' Buckram-Holt has since posted the wedding photos on social media with the caption 'My beautiful coordinated girls!' The photos show nine surviving fascinators at nine different angles, none of which could be described as intentional. Gusset has sworn off fascinators permanently and reports she is 'now a headband person.'