Hiker Refuses to Admit He's Lost, Blames 'Trail Realignment'

Recreational hiker Dennis Garfield spent three hours wandering through untracked forest in the Catskills on Saturday while insisting to his hiking companions that he was not lost but rather that the trail had undergone 'recent realignment.' 'Trails move,' Garfield said, consulting a map he was holding upside down. 'It's a natural process. Erosion, seasonal shifts, tectonic activity. The trail is probably over there now.' He pointed at a cliff. Garfield's companions -- his wife, his brother-in-law, and a family friend who had been assured the hike would be 'easy, maybe two hours' -- reported growing unease as the group crossed three streams that did not appear on any map, descended into a ravine, and encountered a deer that seemed 'genuinely confused by our presence.' 'I asked Dennis if we should use the GPS on his phone,' said his wife, Paula. 'He said real hikers don't need GPS. He said his internal compass was calibrated. He said the moss would guide us.' 'The moss was on every side of every tree,' added brother-in-law Craig. 'I pointed that out. He said it was because we were at a magnetic convergence point.' After three hours, during which the group covered approximately 1.2 miles in a large circle, Garfield agreed to let Paula use her phone. They were 400 yards from the parking lot. 'We were practically there,' Garfield said. 'I was about to find it. The trail had clearly realigned back to its original position.' Garfield has since purchased a compass, which he describes as 'backup for when the trails move again.' His family has declined to join him on future hikes.