Trail Name Ceremony Devolves Into Identity Crisis

What was intended as a lighthearted trail name ceremony at a shelter on the Pacific Crest Trail became an emotional ordeal Saturday when hiker Jason Mellway rejected fourteen consecutive suggestions before the group assigned him the name 'Existential Dread.' 'He didn't like Blister, he didn't like Snack King, he said Compass was too derivative,' reported ceremony facilitator 'Possum' Rodriguez. 'By the twelfth rejection, the whole shelter was questioning whether names even mean anything.' The trail name tradition, in which thru-hikers are given nicknames by fellow hikers based on personality traits or memorable incidents, is considered a sacred rite of passage in long-distance hiking culture. Mellway, however, found the process 'reductive.' 'How can a single word capture the totality of who I am on trail?' Mellway asked, reportedly staring into a campfire for forty minutes. 'I am not Blister. I am not Snack King. I am a complex individual navigating the wilderness of selfhood.' The group eventually proposed 'Existential Dread' after observing that Mellway had spent the entire evening questioning the nature of identity, purpose, and whether freeze-dried meals constitute real food. 'He accepted it immediately,' said Possum. 'Which kind of proved the name was accurate.' Existential Dread has since embraced the moniker, signing trail registers with it and introducing himself to day hikers as 'Dread, but the existential kind, not the hair kind.' He has also begun offering unsolicited philosophical counsel at shelters, which fellow hikers describe as 'thoughtful but exhausting.' The ceremony facilitator has announced a new rule limiting future name deliberations to thirty minutes, 'or we just go with whatever the person tripped over most recently.'