Annual Fish Count Disrupted by One Very Fast Fish Nobody Can Agree On

The annual fish population survey at Lake Champlain was thrown into disarray this week by a single, extremely fast fish that has been independently identified by six different researchers as six different species. 'It went past my quadrant at approximately 11:42 AM,' said survey coordinator Dr. Hugh Lateral-Line. 'I recorded it as a largemouth bass based on body shape. Dr. Chen, in the adjacent quadrant, recorded it as a smallmouth bass. Dr. Petrov, who was snorkeling, says it was a walleye. And intern Kevin says it was a trout.' Intern Kevin later revised his assessment to 'some kind of greenish blur.' The fish, which has been provisionally designated 'LCS-Unknown-1' in the survey database, has been spotted at least fourteen times over the three-day count, each time moving too quickly for definitive identification. Its reported colors include green, brown, silver, greenish-brown, and 'sort of shimmery.' 'The fundamental problem,' said Dr. Lateral-Line, 'is that it's very fast and none of us can agree on what we saw. This has corrupted the count because we don't know if it's one fish counted fourteen times or fourteen fish counted once each.' The statistical implications are significant. If LCS-Unknown-1 is a single bass counted fourteen times, the lake's bass population has been overestimated by thirteen. If it is fourteen separate fish of different species, the population models need complete revision. 'Or it could be one fish that is somehow multiple species,' suggested intern Kevin, who was subsequently removed from the survey team. Dr. Lateral-Line has requested additional funding for underwater cameras, high-speed video equipment, and 'at least one researcher with better reflexes than the rest of us.' The survey's final report will include an asterisk next to all population estimates, annotated with 'plus or minus one very fast fish.'