Grad Student's Entire Thesis Invalidated by Fish That Refuses to Behave Normally

Graduate student Emily Dorsal's four-year PhD thesis on territorial behavior in Siamese fighting fish was invalidated this week when her primary research specimen began exhibiting behavior that her advisor described as 'statistically impossible and also weird.' 'Subject BF-47 was the cornerstone of my research,' Dorsal said, gesturing to a small tank containing a single betta fish that was, at the time of the interview, swimming in precise figure-eights. 'For three years and eleven months, he behaved exactly as predicted. Then, six weeks before my defense, he started doing this.' The 'this' in question includes swimming in geometric patterns, refusing to display aggression toward mirror stimuli, and what Dorsal describes as 'deliberately messing with my experimental apparatus.' 'He moves the temperature probe,' she said. 'Every time I calibrate it, he moves it. I've watched him do it. He waits until I leave, then he nudges it with his nose. My temperature data for the last month is useless.' Dorsal's advisor, Dr. Kenneth Pyloric, confirmed that BF-47's recent behavior is 'not consistent with any known betta fish behavioral repertoire.' 'Territorial aggression in Betta splendens is one of the most reliable phenomena in behavioral ichthyology,' Dr. Pyloric said. 'This fish has apparently decided to be an exception. It's unprecedented, and it's also extremely inconvenient for Emily.' Dorsal has considered starting her thesis over with a new specimen but estimates this would require an additional three years. She has instead chosen to add a chapter titled 'Anomalous Behavior in BF-47: When Your Research Subject Stops Cooperating.' 'I'm going to graduate,' she said, staring at the fish, which appeared to stare back. 'Even if this fish is trying to stop me.'