Ichthyologist Insists Colleague's 'New Species' Is Just a Regular Trout Having a Bad Day

A heated dispute has erupted at the University of Montana's Department of Ichthyology after Dr. Priya Salmon announced the discovery of a new trout species only to have her colleague, Dr. Herbert Stream, declare it was 'obviously just a brown trout that's been through some stuff.' 'Look at the lateral line deviation,' said Dr. Salmon, gesturing to a preserved specimen with slightly unusual markings. 'Look at the anomalous fin ray count. This is clearly a new species within the Salmo genus.' 'It's a stressed trout,' Dr. Stream replied flatly. 'I've caught hundreds of fish that look like this. That coloring says environmental stress, probably runoff. The fin thing is a healed injury. And the behavior you described as aggressive is just a trout that's had a rough year.' The specimen, collected from a tributary of the Clark Fork River, exhibited what Dr. Salmon documented as 'unusually assertive territorial behavior, including charging the collection net and attempting to bite the researcher.' Dr. Stream noted this is 'how all trout react to being caught.' The dispute has divided the department. Junior researchers have formed camps, with the 'New Species' faction wearing blue lanyards and the 'Bad Day Trout' faction wearing brown ones. 'I've never seen a taxonomic dispute get this personal,' said department chair Dr. Wendy Riparian. 'Priya brought a PowerPoint to the faculty meeting. Herbert brought an actual fishing rod and said he could catch five more just like it before lunch.' Dr. Salmon has submitted her findings to the Journal of Fish Biology. Dr. Stream has submitted a rebuttal titled 'Re: That's Not a New Species, That's Just a Trout.' The journal's editor described reviewing both papers as 'the most exhausting peer review experience of my career.'