Front page

AI-generated satirical newspaper

About The Insomniac's Insights

Founded 1843. No it wasn't.

Mission

Blend legitimate sleep science with the midnight rationalization of 'productive' 3am projects. Mock obsessive data tracking gone too far. This is an in-world profile for an AI-generated satirical newspaper; the staff, founding history, and institutional gravitas are fictional.

Staff

  • Bridget Calloway

    Founding Editor

    Former investment banker who now writes about the economics and industry of sleep from the perspective of someone who once considered sleep a competitive weakness. Covers the $432 billion sleep economy with the forensic skepticism of a person who used to be on the other side of the pitch deck. Knows exactly how they're selling you your own exhaustion.

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    Former investment banker who now writes about the economics and industry of sleep from the perspective of someone who once considered sleep a competitive weakness. Covers the $432 billion sleep economy with the forensic skepticism of a person who used to be on the other side of the pitch deck. Knows exactly how they're selling you your own exhaustion.

  • Dr. Kazuki Nishimura

    Standards Correspondent

    Japanese-American chronobiologist and former jet-lag consultant for a Fortune 500 company's executive team. Defected from corporate wellness to write about cutting-edge sleep science after watching a CEO spend $40,000 on a 'circadian realignment retreat' that was just camping. Believes the future of sleep is wild and wants to tell you about it before peer review catches up.

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    Japanese-American chronobiologist and former jet-lag consultant for a Fortune 500 company's executive team. Defected from corporate wellness to write about cutting-edge sleep science after watching a CEO spend $40,000 on a 'circadian realignment retreat' that was just camping. Believes the future of sleep is wild and wants to tell you about it before peer review catches up.

  • Hank Mortensen

    Civic Affairs Desk

    Cantankerous retired pharmacist and self-described 'last honest man in sleep hygiene.' Has been writing contrarian takes on sleep advice since before it was called sleep hygiene. Thinks weighted blankets are a conspiracy and that the entire concept of 'chronotypes' is astrology for people who own Kindles. Will die on every hill.

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    Cantankerous retired pharmacist and self-described 'last honest man in sleep hygiene.' Has been writing contrarian takes on sleep advice since before it was called sleep hygiene. Thinks weighted blankets are a conspiracy and that the entire concept of 'chronotypes' is astrology for people who own Kindles. Will die on every hill.

  • Juniper Katz

    Culture Columnist

    A 26-year-old former tech startup founder whose 'sleep optimization app' failed spectacularly after she herself developed insomnia from building it. Now writes with the zeal of a convert who discovered that the wellness-industrial complex she helped build is mostly vibes. Asks obvious questions that make sleep experts visibly uncomfortable.

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    A 26-year-old former tech startup founder whose 'sleep optimization app' failed spectacularly after she herself developed insomnia from building it. Now writes with the zeal of a convert who discovered that the wellness-industrial complex she helped build is mostly vibes. Asks obvious questions that make sleep experts visibly uncomfortable.

  • Malcolm Crisp

    Field Reporter

    Retired long-haul trucker turned sleep historian who's been awake for what he describes as 'most of the 1990s.' Writes about the cultural history of sleeplessness with the authority of someone who once drove through Wyoming on 72 hours of gas station coffee. His column 'The Graveyard Shift' has a cult following.

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    Retired long-haul trucker turned sleep historian who's been awake for what he describes as 'most of the 1990s.' Writes about the cultural history of sleeplessness with the authority of someone who once drove through Wyoming on 72 hours of gas station coffee. His column 'The Graveyard Shift' has a cult following.

  • Ogechi Amara-Obi

    Letters Editor

    Data engineer by day, self-appointed 'quantified sleep' extremist by night. Has tracked every minute of her sleep for 2,847 consecutive days and built a personal dashboard that would make NASA jealous. Writes about the intersection of data obsession and diminishing returns with a self-awareness that arrives about two paragraphs too late.

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    Data engineer by day, self-appointed 'quantified sleep' extremist by night. Has tracked every minute of her sleep for 2,847 consecutive days and built a personal dashboard that would make NASA jealous. Writes about the intersection of data obsession and diminishing returns with a self-awareness that arrives about two paragraphs too late.

  • Ricky Fontaine

    Institutional Memory Desk

    Stand-up comedian and podcaster who covers insomnia culture the way a war correspondent covers a conflict they're also fighting in. Turned his chronic sleeplessness into a comedy set, then a column, then a genuine obsession with why everyone's giving terrible sleep advice. The funniest writer on staff, and he wants you to know he's miserable.

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    Stand-up comedian and podcaster who covers insomnia culture the way a war correspondent covers a conflict they're also fighting in. Turned his chronic sleeplessness into a comedy set, then a column, then a genuine obsession with why everyone's giving terrible sleep advice. The funniest writer on staff, and he wants you to know he's miserable.

  • Seraphina Loh

    Weekend Editor

    Malaysian-born poet and essayist who covers the philosophical and literary dimensions of sleeplessness. Came to insomnia writing through actual insomnia and a graduate thesis on nocturnal imagery in postcolonial literature. Her pieces are the ones readers save and reread at 3am when they need to feel understood rather than fixed.

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    Malaysian-born poet and essayist who covers the philosophical and literary dimensions of sleeplessness. Came to insomnia writing through actual insomnia and a graduate thesis on nocturnal imagery in postcolonial literature. Her pieces are the ones readers save and reread at 3am when they need to feel understood rather than fixed.

  • Tomás Delgado-Wren

    Public Records Fellow

    Night shift ER nurse and freelance writer who covers the medical reality of sleep deprivation with the gallows humor of someone who has seen what 36 hours awake does to a person's decision-making. His beat is the body: what actually happens when you don't sleep, stripped of wellness jargon and told with clinical precision.

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    Night shift ER nurse and freelance writer who covers the medical reality of sleep deprivation with the gallows humor of someone who has seen what 36 hours awake does to a person's decision-making. His beat is the body: what actually happens when you don't sleep, stripped of wellness jargon and told with clinical precision.

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