Circus School Graduate Unable to Explain Degree to Relatives for Eighth Consecutive Thanksgiving

For the eighth consecutive year, National Circus School graduate Simone Risley was unable to satisfactorily explain her professional qualifications to extended family members at Thanksgiving dinner, despite arriving with a prepared PowerPoint presentation, a prop bag, and what she described as 'an airtight elevator pitch.' 'So you throw things,' said uncle Gerald, cutting the turkey. 'For a living.' 'I am a trained manipulation artist specializing in toss juggling, object balancing, and aerial prop work,' Risley replied. 'I completed a three-year conservatory program that included biomechanics, performance theory, choreography, and—' 'She throws things,' Gerald confirmed to the table. Risley's PowerPoint, titled 'What I Do and Why It Matters: A Visual Guide for People Who Keep Asking,' was rejected by a family vote of 6-2 before the appetizers were served. The two votes in favor came from Risley and her seven-year-old cousin, who later asked if she could 'do the thing where you throw the balls behind your back.' 'That was the most engaged audience member I've had all day,' Risley noted. The evening took a turn when Risley's aunt suggested she 'maybe get a real job as a backup,' prompting Risley to perform an impromptu five-ball cascade with dinner rolls, a demonstration that her mother described as 'making it worse.' 'I earn a living performing at festivals, corporate events, and theaters across three countries,' Risley later told reporters. 'I've performed for heads of state. I was on French television. But sure, Uncle Gerald, who sells vinyl siding — tell me more about real jobs.' Risley has announced she will not attend next year's dinner, citing 'a scheduling conflict with literally anything else.'