Juggling Club Splits Into Factions Over Whether Chainsaws Count as 'Props'

The Peoria Toss & Tumble Society has fractured into two irreconcilable factions after a contentious vote on whether running chainsaws qualify as 'props' under the club's revised equipment charter. The schism, which members are calling 'The Kerf,' pits traditionalists who insist that juggling props must be 'objects designed or adapted for tossing in controlled patterns' against a progressive wing that argues the definition should include 'anything you can get airborne, regardless of its capacity for dismemberment.' 'A chainsaw has weight, it has a center of gravity, it has rotational dynamics,' argued progressive leader Gil Passing-Pattern at last Wednesday's emergency meeting. 'By every kinesiological measure, it is a prop. The fact that it also cuts wood is incidental.' Traditionalist spokesperson Helen Siteswap countered that the club's insurance provider had been 'extremely clear' on the matter. 'They sent us a letter. The letter was one sentence. The sentence was no.' The dispute has resulted in two separate practice schedules, two competing newsletters, and a custody battle over the club's collection of vintage Dube beanbags that both sides claim were donated 'with the understanding that they would be used by reasonable people.' Attempts at mediation by the regional juggling federation have failed, with the mediator reportedly walking out after a progressive member demonstrated their position by tossing a running leaf blower, which struck the ceiling fan and 'created a situation.' As of press time, the traditionalist faction has changed the locks on the community center storage closet. The progressive faction has responded by practicing in the parking lot with increasingly alarming objects.