Posture Evangelist Alienates Entire Office With Unsolicited Spinal Assessments

Software developer turned posture advocate Diane Erector has been formally asked by human resources to stop providing unsolicited spinal assessments to her coworkers after complaints reached what HR director Tom Lumbar described as 'an unprecedented volume.' 'She stands behind you during meetings and whispers corrections,' said colleague Marcus Chen. 'She'll lean over and say, your T7 through T12 are in 14 degrees of excessive kyphosis, and then she just stares at you until you sit up straighter.' Erector, who completed a weekend posture certification course in January, has since appointed herself the office's 'Chief Ergonomic Officer,' a title that does not exist and that management has explicitly told her to stop using. Her interventions have included adjusting coworkers' chair heights without permission, leaving printed diagrams of ideal seated posture on desks, and standing in the break room with a plumb line, offering to assess anyone who walks past. 'She measured my head-forward posture with a ruler during a fire drill,' said accounts manager Priya Patel. 'We were supposed to be evacuating. She said my anterior head carriage was a more immediate emergency.' Erector defended her actions as 'preventive healthcare.' 'The average office worker sits in spinal flexion for eight hours a day,' she said. 'That's eight hours of disc compression, ligament creep, and postural degradation. I can't just watch that happen. I have a certificate.' HR has implemented a policy requiring Erector to obtain verbal consent before commenting on anyone's posture. She has responded by creating a consent form, which she distributes at the start of every meeting. 'No one has signed it yet,' she admitted. 'But their refusal to engage with their own spinal health is, frankly, a form of self-harm.'