Entire Yoga Class Breathing Wrong, According to Exercise Physiologist Who Was There to Relax

Exercise physiologist Dr. Rachel Diaphragm attended a Saturday morning vinyasa yoga class 'to relax and not think about work' and reportedly spent the entire ninety-minute session cataloguing the respiratory mechanics errors of every person in the room. 'I tried to let it go,' Dr. Diaphragm said. 'But the woman in front of me was breathing exclusively into her upper chest. Accessory muscle recruitment on every inhale. Her scalenes were doing all the work. I could see her sternocleidomastoid firing from three mats away. It was like watching someone bail water out of a boat using a teaspoon.' Dr. Diaphragm estimates that of the twenty-two participants, nineteen were 'apical breathers' who had 'essentially abandoned their diaphragm,' two were 'paradoxical breathers' whose abdomens moved inward on inhalation, and one was 'holding his breath entirely, which is not a recognized breathing pattern.' The instructor's cue to 'breathe deeply into your belly' prompted Dr. Diaphragm to grip her mat. 'You don't breathe into your belly,' Dr. Diaphragm said, her voice tightening. 'Air goes into your lungs. The diaphragm descends, displacing the abdominal viscera, which creates the visual impression of belly expansion. But the air is in the lungs. It's always in the lungs. The belly instruction perpetuates a fundamental misunderstanding of respiratory anatomy.' Dr. Diaphragm cornered the instructor after class to discuss intercostal recruitment patterns, a conversation the instructor described as 'the opposite of savasana.' Dr. Diaphragm has announced she will instead try swimming for relaxation, though she concedes that 'the stroke mechanics in the lap pool will probably also be wrong.'