Knapper's Wife Files for 'Irreconcilable Geological Differences'

A divorce petition filed in Maricopa County Superior Court cites 'irreconcilable geological differences' as the primary cause for the dissolution of the 12-year marriage between Martha and Douglas Flake. The petition, filed by Martha Flake, lists specific grievances including: a two-car garage that has been converted entirely to lithic storage and cannot accommodate vehicles; obsidian fragments found in the dishwasher 'on at least forty separate occasions'; and the respondent's persistent habit of describing marital conflicts using flintknapping metaphors. 'He told our marriage counselor that our relationship had a good platform angle but was developing hinge fractures,' Martha said. 'The counselor didn't know what that meant. Neither did I. He drew a diagram.' Douglas Flake, a competitive knapper and founding member of the Southwest Lithic Arts Guild, contested the characterization. 'I've made compromises,' he said. 'I moved my primary knapping station from the kitchen to the garage. I stopped bringing raw material to dinner parties. I agreed to limit my obsidian purchases to 50 pounds per month. These are significant concessions.' 'Fifty pounds a month,' Martha repeated flatly. The petition also notes that Douglas gifted Martha a hand-knapped obsidian pendant for their anniversary — for three consecutive anniversaries — and once described their wedding day as 'the moment two pieces of my life were bifacially reduced into a single, unified form.' 'I thought it was romantic,' Douglas said. 'It's not romantic,' Martha said. 'It's geology.' The couple's assets include a house, two vehicles, and approximately 1,200 pounds of unworked stone material that Douglas has asked the court to classify as 'irreplaceable artistic supplies' and Martha has asked the court to classify as 'rocks in my garage.' Mediation is scheduled for next month. Douglas has been asked not to bring visual aids.