Man's Entire Personality Now Revolves Around the Conchoidal Fracture

Former insurance adjuster Wayne Bulb has reportedly not discussed any topic unrelated to conchoidal fracture mechanics since discovering flintknapping at a county fair in March, prompting his wife, two children, and remaining friends to stage what they are calling 'an intervention but for rocks.' 'It started normally,' said his wife, Carol. 'He took a class at the county fair. He bought some chert. He made a little arrowhead. I thought it was cute. Then he started explaining conchoidal fracture to me at dinner. Every dinner. For six months.' Conchoidal fracture — the way brittle materials like flint break in smooth, curved patterns — is the fundamental physical principle underlying all flintknapping. Wayne has embraced it as what Carol describes as 'his entire identity.' 'He explains it to everyone,' she said. 'The mail carrier. The pediatrician. A woman at the grocery store who made the mistake of asking him what he did for fun. He pulled a piece of obsidian out of his pocket and started demonstrating right there in the produce section.' Wayne's children have adapted to the situation with varying degrees of success. His 14-year-old son has learned to redirect conversations by asking questions about specific lithic reduction strategies, 'which at least limits the fracture talk to ten minutes instead of forty.' His 11-year-old daughter has begun introducing her father to friends as 'a rock guy — don't ask.' 'I just think the conchoidal fracture is one of the most beautiful phenomena in nature,' Wayne said, oblivious to his family's concerns. 'When you strike a piece of flint at the correct angle, with the correct force, and a flake separates in this perfect, predictable curve — you're witnessing physics at its most elegant. How is that not worth talking about?' 'It's worth talking about once,' Carol said. 'Maybe twice. Not seven hundred times.'