Definition Precision Argument Delays Dictionary Publication by Seven Months

The 14th edition of the Consolidated English Dictionary has been delayed by seven months due to an unresolved editorial dispute over the definition of the word 'chair,' specifically the question of how many legs a chair must have to qualify as a chair. 'The 13th edition defines a chair as a piece of furniture with four legs and a back, designed for one person to sit on,' said editor Dr. Philip Definiens. 'Dr. Sato pointed out that many chairs have one leg, or three legs, or no legs at all, and that our definition technically excludes most office chairs, all bean bag chairs, and anything by IKEA.' Dr. Yuki Sato confirmed the objection. 'A pedestal chair has one leg. A stool with a back has three. A hanging chair has zero. Under our published definition, none of these are chairs. I found this unacceptable.' The editorial team proposed seventeen alternative definitions over the course of 214 days. Each was rejected for being either too specific ('a piece of furniture with one or more legs or support structures') or too broad ('something you sit on'). 'Something you sit on includes a rock,' Dr. Definiens noted. 'It includes a horse. It includes another person. We cannot define chair as something you sit on without implied consent from every sittable surface in existence.' The breakthrough came when junior editor Maisie Gloss suggested the phrase 'a piece of furniture designed for sitting, typically having legs and a back,' which the team accepted after three additional days of debate about whether 'typically' was 'too noncommittal.' 'Typically is the Switzerland of adverbs,' Dr. Sato said. 'It commits to nothing. But in this case, that might be what we need.' The dictionary is now scheduled for publication in October. The editorial team has moved on to the word 'table,' which Dr. Definiens anticipates will be 'equally contentious, possibly more so, because at least chairs have backs.'