Oxford Comma Debate Ends Marriage, Begins Landmark Punctuation Lawsuit

A divorce petition filed in San Francisco Superior Court has cited the Oxford comma as the central issue in the dissolution of a twelve-year marriage between two copy editors, in what legal scholars believe is the first punctuation-based divorce in American history. The petitioner, Dr. Clara Serial, alleges that her husband, Marcus Omission, has 'systematically and deliberately omitted the serial comma in all personal and professional correspondence for the duration of their marriage, despite repeated requests to include it.' 'He writes lists like: apples, oranges and bananas,' Dr. Serial said, producing a folder of printed emails. 'Every time. For twelve years. Do you know what that's like? To live with someone who sees ambiguity in their grocery list and does nothing?' Omission, who adheres to AP style in his professional work, countered that the Oxford comma is 'redundant, fussy, and a waste of ink.' 'The meaning is clear from context,' he said. 'Apples, oranges and bananas. Everyone knows that's three things. Clara's insistence on apples, oranges, and bananas is pathological.' The couple's therapist, Dr. Francesca Syntax, testified in a deposition that the comma disagreement 'metastasized over the years into a proxy war for deeper incompatibilities.' 'They couldn't agree on anything,' Dr. Syntax said. 'But they expressed all of their disagreements through punctuation. He'd leave a note on the fridge with no Oxford comma and she'd correct it in red pen. He'd correct her correction. I found fourteen versions of a grocery list in their kitchen. Each one was worse.' The lawsuit, which seeks damages for 'emotional distress caused by ambiguous list formatting,' is being watched closely by the legal community. A ruling in Dr. Serial's favor could establish precedent for punctuation-based tort claims. 'This is either the beginning of a new era in language law,' said legal analyst Patricia Brief, 'or the most ridiculous case I've ever seen. Possibly both.'