Thesaurus Editor Runs Out of Synonyms for 'Walk,' Questions Career

Senior thesaurus editor Dr. Richard Synonym has entered what colleagues describe as a 'professional crisis' after reaching the apparent limits of the English language's synonyms for the word 'walk' at entry number 347. 'Walk, stroll, amble, saunter, stride, march, trek, hike, wander, roam, meander, trudge, plod, traipse, shuffle, toddle, waddle, strut, swagger, mince, tiptoe, stomp, tramp, lumber, galumph, promenade, perambulate, locomote — ' Dr. Synonym paused. 'I've been doing this for twenty-two years and I'm running out.' The entry for 'walk' in the Consolidated Thesaurus has been the subject of Dr. Synonym's attention for the past three months, during which he has added 89 new entries, bringing the total from 258 to 347. However, the last twelve additions, which include 'footle' (walking aimlessly), 'traik' (Scottish, to walk wearily), and 'shank it' (informal), have been flagged by the review board as 'increasingly desperate.' 'He submitted constitutionalize as a synonym for walk,' said review board member Dr. Clara Antonym. 'That's what President Truman called his morning walks. It's not really a synonym. It's a presidential nickname for walking. Those are different things.' Dr. Synonym disagreed. 'If a president used it to mean walk, it's a synonym for walk,' he said. 'That's how language works. Usage defines meaning.' The crisis has prompted Dr. Synonym to question whether 347 synonyms is enough, or whether the English language has failed to produce sufficient words for one of humanity's most basic activities. 'French has more,' he said, though he declined to specify how many. 'German definitely has more. They compound. We don't compound enough.' His colleagues have suggested he move on to the next entry, which is 'wall.' Dr. Synonym has refused. 'I know there are more walk words,' he said. 'They're out there. In dialects. In obsolete texts. In languages we haven't borrowed from yet. I will find them.'