Thesaurus Editor Cannot Find Synonym for 'Unique,' Declares Word 'Ironically Appropriate'

Thesaurus editor Dr. Ingrid Synonym spent three hours Tuesday attempting to compile a comprehensive synonym list for the word 'unique' before acknowledging that the word is, in a sense that she found 'professionally embarrassing and philosophically satisfying,' without true synonym. 'Every candidate fails on close examination,' Dr. Synonym explained, gesturing at a whiteboard covered in crossed-out words. '"Singular" implies singularity of number, not quality. "Distinctive" means "easy to distinguish," which is not the same as "one of a kind." "Unparalleled" means without parallel, which is close but emphasizes comparison rather than inherent oneness. "Incomparable" means unable to be compared, which is a different concept entirely.' The whiteboard contained forty-seven rejected candidates, each annotated with the specific semantic distinction that disqualified it. 'Rare' was marked 'implies scarcity, not singularity.' 'Special' was marked 'too vague; a sandwich can be special.' 'Unprecedented' was marked 'temporal; means it hasn't happened before, not that it's one of a kind.' 'In twenty-two years of thesaurus work, I have never encountered a word this resistant to synonymy,' Dr. Synonym said. 'It is, and I say this with full awareness of the irony, unique.' The current thesaurus entry for 'unique' lists eleven near-synonyms, each accompanied by a usage note explaining how it differs from 'unique.' Dr. Synonym has proposed adding a twelfth entry that simply reads 'see: unique,' a suggestion the editorial board rejected as 'circular and unhelpful.' 'It's circular,' Dr. Synonym agreed. 'But it's accurate. Sometimes the language is trying to tell you something, and what it's telling you is that some words stand alone. That's what "unique" means. And there's no other way to say it.'