Project Car's Previous Owner Claims It 'Ran When Parked,' Records Indicate 1997
Craigslist seller's assurance technically accurate if temporal context is expanded to three decades

A Craigslist listing for a 1985 Toyota MR2 described as a vehicle that "ran when parked" has been found to reference a parking event that occurred in 1997, twenty-nine years ago.
Buyer Marcus Intake, 33, purchased the MR2 for $2,800 based on the listing's assurance that the car was operational at the time of its last use. The listing did not specify when that last use occurred.
"He said it ran when parked," Intake explained from beneath the car, which is currently on blocks in his driveway. "I assumed 'parked' meant recently. Like, within a living memory. The battery was dated 1996. The registration expired in 1997. The tires had a date code from the Clinton administration."
The seller, reached by phone, confirmed that the car did indeed run when he parked it. "I drove it into the garage in '97 and never drove it out," he said. "That's running. I didn't say it would run now. I said it ran when parked. Past tense. English is pretty clear on this."
Intake's initial assessment of the MR2 revealed a fuel system filled with what he describes as "varnish with gasoline memories," a cooling system containing fluid that has "evolved beyond its original chemical composition," and a family of mice living in the air filter housing who appeared to have been in residence for multiple generations.
"The engine turns over, which surprised me," Intake said. "But it turns over the way a retired person turns over in bed — slowly, reluctantly, and with audible complaint."
Intake estimates the restoration will cost approximately $8,000, bringing the total investment to $10,800 for a car with a market value of approximately $7,000 in good condition.
"I knew what I was getting into," Intake insisted. "Every project car buyer says that. None of us mean it. But we say it."
AI-generated satirical fiction. Not real news.
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