Parasitology Conference Descends Into Chaos Over Lunch Menu

The 43rd International Conference on Soil Nematology in Bristol was disrupted Tuesday when delegates discovered that the conference catering included spaghetti bolognese, which multiple attendees described as 'deeply inappropriate given the subject matter.' The objection was first raised by Dr. Helminth Coilsworth of the University of Wageningen, who approached the buffet, looked at the pasta, and reportedly said 'absolutely not' before returning to his table. 'It's the morphology,' Dr. Coilsworth explained. 'The length, the diameter, the way they cluster in the serving dish. I study Ascaris lumbricoides. I cannot eat something that resembles my research subject. It's a professional boundary.' The complaint spread rapidly. Within fifteen minutes, a delegation of twelve nematologists had approached the conference organizers demanding the removal of all 'vermiform food products,' a category that was quickly expanded to include bean sprouts, enoki mushrooms, and a cheese string that someone had left on a table. Conference organizer Patricia Substrate issued an apology and ordered emergency replacement sandwiches. 'We should have anticipated this,' she admitted. 'Last year in Geneva, we had a similar incident with rice noodles. The year before, it was gummy worms at the welcome reception. I should have learned.' The afternoon sessions proceeded without incident, though several delegates reported difficulty concentrating during a talk on Strongyloides morphology that was scheduled immediately after the lunch break. The conference has announced that next year's menu will be reviewed by a panel of nematologists to ensure 'visual neutrality.'