Lottery Winner Attributes Jackpot to Numerology System That Has Failed 11,437 Other Users

Tampa resident Denise Quorum won a $2.4 million state lottery jackpot Tuesday using numbers selected by the Sacred Digit Method, a numerological lottery system that has produced zero winners among its other 11,437 paying subscribers over the past six years. 'The Sacred Digit Method changed my life,' Quorum told reporters, holding an oversized check. 'My numerologist analyzed my birth date, my address, my pet's name, and the Fibonacci sequence, and produced six numbers that aligned with my personal vibration. And they hit.' Sacred Digit Method creator Vincenzo Septimus has seized on the win as validation. 'One winner proves the system works,' Septimus said during a hastily organized press conference. 'The other 11,437 subscribers simply haven't achieved full vibrational alignment yet. The numbers are correct. The people need to catch up.' Subscribers who have collectively spent over $1.3 million in fees without winning anything were less enthusiastic. 'I've been using his numbers for four years,' said subscriber Rachel Modulo. 'My most significant result was matching two numbers once, which won me $7. My subscription costs $29 a month. That is not vibrational alignment. That is negative cash flow.' Statisticians note that with 11,438 subscribers each playing different number combinations, a single lottery win is not only unsurprising but statistically expected. 'If you have enough people buying enough tickets, someone will win eventually,' said probability researcher Dr. Monte Carlo. 'The Sacred Digit Method's success rate of 0.0087 percent is actually slightly below what you'd expect from random selection. He'd have done better assigning numbers with a dartboard.' Septimus has raised his subscription fee to $49 per month, citing 'increased demand following our proven track record of success.' The 11,437 non-winners have not been offered refunds, though Septimus has sent each a complimentary pdf titled 'Why You Haven't Won Yet: A Vibrational Self-Assessment.'