Concertmaster's Tuning A Deemed 'Too Assertive' by Wind Section, Passive-Aggressive Tuning Ensues

The pre-concert tuning ritual at the Capital City Orchestra devolved into what musicians described as 'a passive-aggressive frequency negotiation' on Thursday after the wind section collectively determined that new concertmaster Viktor Saitensteg's tuning A was 'delivered with an energy we find confrontational.' 'It's a concert A,' said Saitensteg, genuinely confused. 'I play it. Everyone tunes to it. This is how it has worked since the Baroque era.' 'It's not the note, it's the attitude,' clarified principal clarinet Dolores Reed. 'The previous concertmaster gave a gentle, inviting A. An A that said, let us tune together. Viktor's A says, tune to this or else. It's aggressive. The vibrato is aggressive. The dynamic is aggressive. Even the bow stroke is aggressive.' The conflict manifested during Thursday's pre-concert tuning, when Saitensteg played his customary A at what a sound level meter measured as 78 decibels — admittedly 6 dB louder than his predecessor's. In response, the woodwinds tuned approximately 3 cents flat. The brass tuned 2 cents sharp. The result was what the conductor later described as 'an orchestra that was technically in tune with itself but spiritually in tune with nothing.' 'I could hear it,' said Maestro Concordia Harmonium. 'The A was fine. The response was not fine. Everyone was tuning in a way that was technically correct but emotionally hostile. The oboe's A was reluctant. The horn's A was defiant. The tuba's A was, and I say this with respect, sarcastic. I did not know a tuba could be sarcastic. I do now.' A mediation session has been scheduled with the orchestra's personnel manager. Saitensteg has agreed to 'explore a softer A,' though he noted that 'A440 is A440 regardless of how nicely you play it.' The wind section has requested that this statement not be read back to them, as it 'proves their point exactly.'