Retirement-Age Conductor Refuses to Acknowledge Existence of Music Written After 1900

Maestro Emeritus Wilhelm Romantisch, 81, has completed his 34th consecutive season with the Heritage Philharmonic without programming a single work composed after 1899, a streak he intends to maintain 'for as long as the Lord and Brahms allow.' Romantisch's programming philosophy, which he articulates with the serenity of absolute conviction, holds that orchestral music reached its apex in the late Romantic period and that everything subsequent represents 'a protracted error in judgment by the entire Western musical establishment.' 'The orchestral literature from Beethoven through Dvořák provides more than enough material for a lifetime of concerts,' Romantisch said from his podium during a rehearsal of, inevitably, Brahms. 'I see no reason to acknowledge the existence of works composed by individuals who apparently looked at the symphony and said, what if this, but worse?' When a board member suggested programming Stravinsky's Firebird Suite as 'an accessible entry point into the twentieth century,' Romantisch reportedly stared at her for eleven seconds before asking, 'Who?' 'He knows who Stravinsky is,' said the orchestra's executive director, Helen Budget, who has gently raised the topic of repertoire expansion at every annual review since 1992. 'He conducted Le Sacre at the Salzburg Festival in 1978. He was apparently traumatized. He has not programmed a work from after 1899 since.' Orchestra members have learned to work within the constraints. 'We play a lot of Brahms,' said principal cellist Andrea Romantica. 'A lot of Beethoven. Considerable Tchaikovsky. The occasional Dvořák. Last year he programmed Schumann's Fourth four times. Four times in one season. I can play it in my sleep. I may actually be playing it in my sleep.' Romantisch's contract runs through 2028. His proposed programming for next season includes the Brahms symphonies (all four), the Beethoven symphonies (select five), and what the season brochure describes as 'a daring exploration of Late Romantic masterworks' — which, upon closer inspection, is the same Brahms and Beethoven in a different order. He has been described by critics as 'the last of a dying breed,' a characterization he accepts 'with the caveat that the breed that replaced us is inferior.'