French Horn Section Unanimously Agrees That Passage Is Impossible, Performs It Anyway

The four-member horn section of the State Philharmonic has unanimously declared that the exposed horn passage in the final movement of Richard Strauss's Ein Heldenleben is 'physically impossible, musically sadistic, and deliberately designed to humiliate horn players' — then performed it without a single cracked note at Saturday's concert. 'Let me be clear: that passage cannot be played,' said principal horn Claudia Gestopft after the performance, still sweating. 'It spans three-and-a-half octaves, crosses four key centers, requires seamless dynamic transitions from triple pianissimo to triple fortissimo, and includes a sustained high C that Strauss apparently wrote while harboring a personal vendetta against the horn section. It is not playable. We played it. But it is not playable.' The passage, which occurs during the 'Hero's Works of Peace' section, requires the entire horn section to execute in rapid succession what Gestopft describes as 'every technique the instrument possesses, plus several it doesn't.' 'There's a pedal B-flat that barely exists on the instrument,' said second horn Viktor Embouchure. 'You have to sort of will it into existence. Then, eight bars later, you're in the stratosphere playing a high E that also barely exists. The horn has a comfortable range of about two octaves. Strauss used four. He either didn't know or didn't care. Knowing Strauss, he didn't care.' The section prepared by rehearsing the passage daily for three weeks, a process third horn Michael Dampfer described as 'the five stages of grief, performed in B-flat.' 'Monday was denial — this can't be as hard as it looks. Tuesday was anger. Wednesday through Friday was bargaining with God. The second week was depression. The third week was acceptance, followed by a kind of reckless determination that I think Strauss would have appreciated.' Fourth horn Rebecca Stopfton contributed a single held note to the passage — a low pedal tone of fourteen beats' duration. 'My one note was fine,' she said. 'But I watched the other three age visibly during the rest of it.' The performance received a standing ovation. The horn section received complimentary throat lozenges from the personnel manager.